funny how the blood comes only after

just like this, it's been
precisely, exactly then seemingly this way
you were here and then gone.
like a dream you were
all of it
every second, every sigh, every touch,

here you are -- fuzzy and out of focus
here you are wringing the soap out of the clothes
here you are perspiring in the late afternoon heat
here you are, closer now, between my thighs.

i couldn't see the shape of you
but i heard your sounds
deep and quiet and you were so close then,
so close
that i knew right then that i
always would want how you make
me feel when you are
close and fuzzy and out of focus.

dream -----
you are not here anymore.
i looked for you in the spaces between my teeth,
the cracks of my elbows,
the webs of my fingers but
you are gone.
like a dream for awhile
it was like sleeping for days
and i was warm
for a long long time.

there was blood.
lots of it.
it came gushing out like a river
i felt it slide out but there was
no pain
funny how the blood comes only after.

there was an electric shock.
it ran up everywhere
numbed my legs so my knees sat
parallel like poles
and you were close to me then

and i loved you.